When is it?

When is it the time for you to feel that you miss someone so much, that you think those persons you are missing are simply non-replaceable, that you want to be near them forever? For me the time is when I have to do something at night.

It happened when I had to study all night because in the morning I had to get an exam and the days before I was busy doing nothing. It happened when I had to do some homework from office and I did not have time to finish it by day.
So, night is not the answer for my prior question, the answer is a combination between something urgent to do (which wouldn’t be that urgent had I finished that earlier) and loneliness.

How do I realize this? When I studied at those lonely, cold, night time in Malmoe back then, nobody kept me accompanied (well, most of the time). When I brought homework from office usually I did it alone. But last night was different. Lala was there for me. She forego our warm bed, her 7 months old toy and cramped her body in the sofa, switching from one channel to another just to be with me. For the first time I realize, I am afraid of loneliness. Maybe that’s why I am addicted to friendship. Deep inside I always in need of a company and friends guarantee acquaintances. I am afraid of loneliness. I am afraid of loneliness. I am afraid of loneliness.

Happiness, anyone?

Will they ever be happiness for all?
Wisemen talked about happiness for all human kind. But how can it be?
What I see is that there is zero sum game.
One’s happiness is on another’s grief.

Or maybe I just see things narrow mindedly. I should be seeing things in their bigger pictures. I should see that one person’s sorrow must be ignored and look at those much more bigger smiles on more people.

Just keep in mind, dearest people. Think about others’ tears when you smile.

Rania Damarlintang

I found myself sleeping in her bed last night. Lovely girl, exuberant, very sweet. Her hair smells like that of fresh coconut. “Papa…” that’s all what came out of her mouth when she took my arm and put it around her with her eyes closed.

Her body temperature was high last night, and also a night before. I think it was this changing weather. The weather caused her twin and her elder sister to suffer the same few days earlier. Three of them, got the same symptom. All is well after two days. I hope the same happened to this spiderman-girl.

Compared to her sisters, Rania’s body is the most vulnerable to sickness. It maybe coming from the fact that she was born under-weight; only 1.5 kgs. Her lungs were not full-ready then. But she is also the most active daughter so far. When one jokingly poke her sisters, they may just frown or smile with that girlish grin, but never with her. She would wrap around her fingers and show fists or gave that kung-fu style stand.

I saw her sleeping deeply by my side last night. She looks very peaceful. I couldn’t take my eyes off her before I finally gave in to sleep. I am in love.