things in my mind last night

It was a rare moment last night. Usually the "it" never fails to send me doze off seconds after but last night was different. My eyes felt "fresh" and my hands were sweaty.

Machine inside my head insisted on rolling old clips and numbers of "challenges" I could have tried to chip in our pocket.

* Yes, why did I not try those things? Maybe, I must try to save for rainy days by forgoing the comfort of family warmth and toiling more. Maybe Daddy must start coming home late (with extra money) and spend quality time only in weekends. I am thinking more seriously about it, about having more time outside to get extra income. The kids may not agree with it. But this is for theim, isn't it? I am way too close with them. I might be the one that make them "weak" by being too protective and to close. The youngest would not sleep without my presence, that's not good is it? Her eldest was like that, so I believe she will be like her, in time she will need me less.

* Why am I still here, living with inlaws IN THEIR domain. Need more fund to finish the house project and move out. Perhaps the PLAN above would fix things.

* I am not grateful enough. I should have thanked my inlaws more. For more then ten years they practically took care of my offsprings in me and my wife's absence. Well, nobody's perfect but still, their very existance does make life easier. I MUST keep that in mind whenever the imperfect inlaws seems to appear.